A Call to Cincinnati

I had written a book, but I had not published it. Something was stopping me. But it was not Him.

In two thousand years He had changed many communication tools. After the primitives discovered fire and found a better way to cook and live longer, other primitives — Native Americans — used it with water vapour to communicate. White smoke meant we are thinking about what to do. Black smoke meant we are going to war. Get ready, we are coming.

Everything changed quickly. The father of all communication was the courier on horseback. Then the telegraph. Then, in the twentieth century, the telephone.

And it was on one of those days that He called me. He asked where He could go to buy a phone. He was specific: I want one that works, I will spend little, I will only use Word to write, no video calls.

He asked me what I thought of Apple. I told Him that store was for the Pope — He always had to think about image. Then He mentioned some models on Amazon. I told Him to change supplier. He would have to share His data, and for privacy that was not wise. Besides, Bezos was building a new church — CHURCHAMAZON — and was entering His market as a competitor. One of the rules He had always given away for free was never to feed a competitor.

In the end I went to my Chinese friend and bought a used, experimental phone that connected on 1 billion G. Just His network. No SIM card needed. He would only call, never receive.

And to thank me, He made His first call to Cincinnati. I was curious. That city meant something to me. But I asked nothing. What He had to ask, I never knew.

Jesus calls the CEO of P&G and says: “Do you know what that man in Calabria is doing with your brand? Maybe you should answer him yourself.”

The CEO looks at his screen, sees gillettenarrative.com, and does not know whether to call the legal department or the editorial director. In doubt, he stops and says: will you sponsor him?

From the other end of the line, He answers: I cannot. He works without SEO, ads, Google Merchant, marketing, media, advertising, money. He is just someone my Father recommended to me. Because he spent eighteen years at Gillette.

But I can tell you one thing. He asked me for one signed USD. I have no idea what he plans to do with it.